You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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