While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
