i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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