well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What drink are we having for lunch?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
