Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
