i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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