he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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