I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
