Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
