I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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