I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
