He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
