WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
