I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
