Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
