I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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