the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
