I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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