Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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