She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think my moral compass just broke
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
