haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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