my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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