Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
