i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
