Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how drunk are you?
Several
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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