the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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