Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
