ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
