dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
