did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
