you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
