i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize