who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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