put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
