Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
