Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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