Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
