Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
