she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Damn victory sex feels great
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
