I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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