if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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