they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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