Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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