suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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