Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
