Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
