New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
