Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
