so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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