He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
