1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
