you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
