I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
