the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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