The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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