I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize