I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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