well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
