remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
