More tranny stories later!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize