I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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