anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everclear isn't food dammit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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