Need sex. Gaining weight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
