I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
