You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
