i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
