The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
