Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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