He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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