If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
