I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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