So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
