a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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