i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
