I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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