FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
