That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
