My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
