belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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