i would punch a child for taco bell
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
