oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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