I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
