I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
