It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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