and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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