Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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