You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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