I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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