dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize