I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
