I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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