so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
