i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
