I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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