i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
