my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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