your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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