If i come over, it means nothing
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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