fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
